He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
