Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
