Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
