she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
