Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
