haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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