I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
