You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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