No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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