soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
