I am puke
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
