My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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