He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
