Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
