I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
