hotel room ftw
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
