would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You ruined the universe
Randomize
