Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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