Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
