it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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