who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
