True but thats because hes a fetus.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
