No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
