Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
