Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
