I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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