He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
