so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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