It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
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