Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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