He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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