There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
