you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
