I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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