so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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