honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
