My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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