Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
my poor anus
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
