Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
her vagine was all disorganized.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
