Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
