dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
