i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
