You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
