Tell her she can't have a vagina
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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