I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
