Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
