Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
