sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize