I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
