If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Randomize
