the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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