I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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