I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
