My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I've blown a few things in my day
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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