apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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