I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
