Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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