There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
