John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
