Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You did what with his pubic hair?
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