I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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