Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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