what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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