i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
