Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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