yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
