Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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