the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
