I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
