I'll bet she douches with gravy.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
