I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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