so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
