i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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